Leadership can be so reward, and so invigorating. But it is also complex and can be isolating, confusing, and anxiety provoking. As an Atlanta counselor many of the CEO’s, entrepreneurs, and leaders that I work with have the honor and responsibility of driving the business forward while also holding the truths and challenges of how this sometimes impacts their employees, clients, and families.
While it would be lovely if business was simple and straightforward and everyone is happy as long as you approach it with integrity, this is not the case. The truth is that business and leadership includes making difficult decisions in difficutl scenarios. As a CEO you’re brought the most challenging and impossible of problems and your team and your family look to you to solve them because they’re anxious afraid or worried. And you know they NEED you to carry it with calm.
But where does that leave you personally? Truth be told, you don’t have all of the easy solutions. You don’t know what to do sometimes. And you’ve learned to stuff your emotions down in order to manage the anxiousness and keep moving forward for everyone, carrying the weight of all of their worries so that they don’t have to.
This is indeed the experience of being a leader at times. And although as an Atlanta counselor, I do not have the solution, I have learned things that can help with the process. Here are some things can can assist with the process.
- Let go of the expectation to get it perfect 100% of the time, and instead lean into knowing that life is full of moments that we can allow ourselves to make the best decision we can with the information we have. Allow yourself to be human. And when your decision doesn’t turn out exactly right, talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you’re gentle and kind with. If you don’t typically talk to people that way, then work with an Atlanta counselor to develop a way of talking to yourself empathetically. Often times leaders and CEO’s are most harsh on themselves, but would never talk to a friend the way they talk to themselves. That’s a problem. But, often times this way of being allowed them to achieve and got them to where they are. So, see #2.
- See an Atlanta counselor. When. You see a counselor you can begin working to approach yourself with empathy, letting go of irrational beliefs about yourself and expectations you have for yourself, and working to be realistic about your own humanity. We wouldn’t expect you to operate with superpowers because you’re not spiderman. And so, why expect superpower results? Instead, you can work with your Atlanta counselor to figure out how to achieve, without judging yourself when things aren’t perfectly the way you would like them. You can work to figure out how to see strong results, without beating yourself up. A counseling office can also be a place that you can be super honest about your experience. You don’t have to filter, or be cautious with what you divulge. If you find a counselor you can trust, you can say all the things you can’t say anywhere else. And, your counselor isn’t expecting you to be perfect or relying on you to get things right.
- Talk to others who are in the same boat. Often times when you’re at the top of your organization, you can’t talk to others because of the dynamics. This is why it can help to find other CEO’s, entrepraneurs, or leaders who have been there but are not doing business with you and don’t have any stake in how you perform. Being able to talk to someone who’s been there can help. There are groups to join, but even sometimes this can be difficult if the CEO’s in those groups are your business prospects. There are counselors in Atlanta (including myself) who are in their second careers and are able to speak to the interesting dynamics that come with leadership, and sometimes that can be helpful although I also like to encourage people to add someone else to the mix since counselors are only one piece of the puzzle.
- Work to release control wherever you can. This can be difficult to do because as a high achiever you’re probably very competent and often times others cannot perform as competently as we can. But lean in here. In order to make life as a leader scalable, we must work to accept everyone else’s humanity and realize that people will make mistakes. Things will go wrong. And we benefit from tolerating this (to an extent of course.) As long as we expect the world and others to be as capable and competent or perfect as us, we will be met with frustration. Of course, hire the most brilliant and capable people you can find, and get in releationship with capable people. AND, release any expectation or need for things to be perfect. Learn to tolerate distress, tolerate imperfection, and tolerate the unknown. You can work with an Atlanta counselor if you find this to be difficult.
Isn’t it so interesting that when we dream about leadership before we’re leaders it seems so amazing. When we get there, we realize the responsibility and difficulty of it. Still, many of us would have it no other way. We enjoy aspects of it, and what it brings to our lives. However, it comes at a cost, and as an Atlanta counselor I love helping people walk through making sure that cost isn’t all negative. It can be rewarding, and peaceful, and whole hearted. I’m referring to Brene Brown’s research here and if you haven’t read her books you may want to look her up and start there. Know you can reach out if you’d like to find an Atlanta counselor to work with.
