Have you ever found yourself asking the question “Why do I do that?” Many of us do, and in my Atlanta counseling office I hear the question all the time. It’s our way of trying to understand ourselves. The problem is, we rarely go deeper than that. We ask ourselves that question, and then move on as if life does not provide us with the opportunity to really figure it out. After some time, it creeps back up again. We find ourselves repeating the patter, and we know that eventually we need to deal with whatever it is that’s causing us to do the thing we don’t want to do.
Counselors often find people asking why they do what they do. People find that they repeat the same behaviors in life, and the consequences leave them feeling distraught. They date the WRONG type of person, over spend causing financial stress, argue unnecessarily with their spouse, sabotage their chances in a positive situation, and the list goes on and on and on.
What if you paused today and thought about why you do that thing you know you shouldn’t do? How would it change your outcome? Is there a way to stop doing it?
There can be several reasons why you do what you do. Here are just a few:
- You learned the behavior from your family or significant people in your life growing up
- You are trying to protect yourself
- You are trying to feel better
- You are trying to maintain control
- You are trying to look like you have it all together
- You are trying to meet a need
These don’t begin to cover the list, but you get the gist. There are many reasons we do what we do. Figuring out why you do something can sometimes help with figuring out how to stop the behavior. So, for example, if Jane always yells at her husband when he comes home late and she recognizes it is because she is afraid she will lose him Jane can begin to express her feeling of fear rather than lashing out and nagging her husband about the fact that he comes in late. This allows Jane to express herself in a more genuine and effective way, while avoiding nagging her husband about coming home on time. It also allows her husband to try and affirm Jane’s fears and work with her to help validate the security of the relationship.
Figuring out why you do something isn’t the cure to every problem, but sometimes it can help. If you need to figure out the why in your life one of our Atlanta counselors can help.
