As an Atlanta therapist it is so common to hear clients talk about the holidays and feel a mix of happiness and dread. Happy because the holidays can be full of celebration and novelty which ignites feel good chemicals in our bodies like dopamine. But there’s the other side of it too. Often times when the holidays come, we spend more time with our families.
For some, family means connection, joy, and belonging. But for others family brings chaos, conflict, shame, stress, and trauma. Watching a loved one taking yet another drink at the dinner table after they’ve battled addiction for years…hearing a parent yell all day long because they never developed emotion regulation skills…feeling left out because you have a family of extrovers who are over the top and willing to fight for attention while you are a quite introver who prefers one-on-one conversations…watching that family member roll their eyes because they’re ungrateful for the food that was put on the table for everyone…seeing your sibling engage in entitled behavior when it hurts your parents deeply…experiencing yet another self-absorbed rant from a parent who will not accept boundaries…hearing yet another judgmental statement from your aunt who values prestige and perfection and is happy to criticize anything that does not fall within those two categories…
Big or small, painful family experiences can riddle our holidays with feelings of grief, sadness, and trauma. So, how do we navigate all of this?
Some Tips I Give my Atlanta Therapy Clients
- Set boundaries with yourself and others. This might mean only going to dinner for 2 hours instead of the usual family spend-the-night. Or it might mean you excuse yourself politely from any conversation that may bring emotional pain if you continue. It might mean you let people know you won’t be consuming alcohol around the family. You can explore with your Atlanta therapist to figure out triggers the pain then work to minimize or manage them by setting boundaries so that you can navigate better.
- Engage in self-care. Work on self-nurturing and self-kindness before during and after the holiday hangouts. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend. Do relaxing and rejuvenating things (Iike hiking or taking a hot bath or sipping tea or seeing an emotionally safe friend.)
- Build your support network outside of your family and consider seeing them before and after the family hangout. It can help to remind your brain and body that your support comes from more than just your family and that there are emotionally healthy people in your life. It’s important to find people who you can be genuine with. Your Atlanta therapist can definitely be part of your support journey as well.
- Set realistic expectations for yourself. We all want to hope that our sibling, or aunt, or dad will be on their ‘best behavior’ for the holiday, but expecting that may lead to disappointment. Instead, expect that they’ll be how they’ve been for the last 6 years, and plan to support yourself accordingly. We don’t have to anticipate the worst, but we do want to be realistic about what we’re going to experience with our families.
- See your Atlanta therapist consistently around the holidays. Many of us get so busy (especially in December) that we don’t schedule therapy sessions. But the problem with this is that we get so triggered and then we have to wait till January to process. Instead, be consistent with taking care of your mental health.
Everyone’s family is different, and what works with one family may not neccessarily work for another. It can be important that if you have a difficult family, you work to process that and plan for how to navigate the holidays with them. If you need support, please know you can reach out.
