Have you ever wondered what the magic solution is for couples who go to couples counseling? Wondering what our Atlanta couples counselors tend to tell everyone we see? Curious what fixed your friends’ marriage when they were really struggling?
I’ll go ahead and set some things straight and be fair by telling you that there is no quick fix. No magic pill. No one thing that fixes every couple. Relationships are complex, and every couple brings their own unique dynamics, histories, and challenges to the table. What worked for one couple may not work for another. What we’ve seen in our years of practice, is that there are some concepts that we teach very frequently and they’re worth mentioning here.
Some Important things we teach in our Atlanta couples counseling sessions.
- Effective Communication – Oftentimes, we teach couples about Gottman Method’s Four Horsemen for communication, which include criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness. These are relationship killers, and it benefits couples to notice when they’re doing them, and then use their antidotes in their place. The Gottman Method, backed by over 40 years of research, helps partners move from negative communication cycles to effective, productive interactions. But it’s not just about avoiding these “Four Horsemen”—it’s about replacing them with healthy habits. For example, instead of criticism, using I feel statements and asking for what you need; instead of contempt, expressing appreciation and owning your own feelings.
Another essential component of communication is active listening and active understanding. Before any problem is solved for a couple, they benefit from making sure each partner feels heard, validated, and understood. Many couples miss this critical piece of the puzzle. When we truly listen without interrupting, blaming, or judging, we create an environment where each partner feels safe to express their thoughts and feelings. Understanding your partner’s emotional needs often brings clarity to what is causing recurring conflict. Practicing active listening means taking time to absorb not just the words your partner is saying, but their tone, body language, and the emotions behind those words.
- Digging Deep and Learning to Promote Emotional Intimacy – So many of our couples have gotten into the habit of doing life side by side. They become more transactional with their interactions, ticking off daily tasks like raising kids, paying bills, or hanging with friends. And while this works well in many ways, when it comes to just the two of them, emotional intimacy often fades. Over time, the emotional distance grows, and the relationship starts to feel more like a business partnership than a marriage. This becomes much more complicated when you add introversion, internal processing, and avoidant attachment into the mix.
Our Atlanta couples counselors help couples begin to create emotionally safe situations and learn the language of vulnerability and connection. True emotional intimacy isn’t just about sharing feelings; it’s about creating an atmosphere where each partner feels secure enough to show their authentic self—flaws and all. It’s about being able to rely on each other for emotional support, offering empathy, and feeling safe in each other’s presence. This emotional intimacy becomes the foundation of a deeper connection that goes beyond the surface. When this intimacy is nurtured, the relationship evolves into something much richer than transactional interactions—it becomes a true partnership. You can read more about emotionally connecting here.
- Creating Experiences – The Gottman Method suggests rituals of connection. Esther Perel, another world-renowned couples therapist, suggests engaging in novel experiences. The general takeaway from these suggestions is this: couples must be intentional. Otherwise, we end up becoming like roommates passing each other in the hallway. A kind touch here, a ‘thank you’ there, sipping hot chocolate on the porch together, taking a trip, or learning something new with one another—these can all be simple, yet powerful, ways to create meaningful experiences. The truth is, life can easily fall into a predictable routine, and when that happens, we risk losing the spark and joy that we once had.
We encourage couples to find ways big and small to connect, whether through shared hobbies, trips, or simply making time for deeper conversations. These moments—big or small—help couples reconnect on a fundamental level, strengthening the bond of friendship, romance, and fondness. These experiences don’t need to be grand gestures; even small practices, like making time for a heartfelt compliment or scheduling a weekly date night, can go a long way. These activities can help rekindle the passion and joy that once brought the two of you together. They provide an opportunity for couples to step outside the routine and create new memories that bring back feelings of excitement and affection.
- Building Trust– Trust and commitment are the cornerstones of any relationship. However, trust can be shattered in many ways, particularly if there has been dishonesty, betrayal, or unmet expectations. Restoring trust is not easy, but it is possible. It involves honesty, transparency, remorse, and most importantly, the acknowledgment of past mistakes. Both partners must be willing to do the work to rebuild the relationship and repair the trust that was broken.
In our Atlanta couples counseling sessions, we guide couples through this delicate process, helping them set healthy boundaries and understand how to rebuild trust slowly but surely. The work involved in restoring trust may feel difficult at times, but it is crucial for long-term relationship success.
It is extremely normal for couples to have problems. People are different, and we each have our own needs, wants, and quirks. That is the human condition, and none of us is immune. Ultimately, the key to healing and strengthening a relationship is commitment. Both partners must be willing to invest time and effort into understanding each other and addressing the challenges that come up. Therapy provides a supportive environment to guide you through these difficult steps, but the real work happens when couples are open to change and growth. Relationships are not about perfection, but about showing up for each other every single day, making a conscious effort to be present, and choosing each other time and time again.
There’s not a one size fits all strategy for success in a relationship, but there are certain ways we can approach our relationships that allow for connection, growth, and commitment.
