You thought that your relationship was solid – and maybe it is – but you’re not feeling as invested or even as interested as you have in the past. Marriage comes with peaks and valleys. Whether you’ve been married for one year or 50, you will have seasons where you feel disconnected from or dissatisfied with your partner.
Maybe you and your spouse have different interests that are keeping you separated. Perhaps you have gotten comfortable in a routine that doesn’t include regular time to connect. Our Atlanta couples therapists understand the dynamics that marriages go through and have some tips to increase your sense of contentment.
Communicate Your Experience
Telling your partner that you miss them, feel distant from them, or are unhappy with the status quo doesn’t mean you’re rejecting them or being mean. Sometimes a spouse isn’t aware that the other isn’t happy, because they’re feeling content.
When you communicate, use “I” statements to help soften the delivery of the complaint and to own your feelings. For example:
“When we aren’t spending regular time together, I feel distant, lonely, and rejected. I need for us to make reconnecting a priority. Let’s put a game night (or other activity) on the calendar. How’s Wednesday after the kids go to bed?”
Experience New Things Together
Novelty stimulates our brains positively. Doing new things releases dopamine, and when we do those new things with a person, we can increase positive associations with that person.
Now, experiencing new things together doesn’t have to be expensive. Here are some ideas:
- Trying to recreate a favorite meal from a restaurant
- Creating a scavenger hunt
- Go to an arcade and take turns playing the games (thus staying present with the partner)
- Reading out loud to each other
- Dreaming together about future desires and plans
- Introduce the other to your current hobbies and spend a day teaching/learning the new hobby
- Volunteer together
The possibilities for new experiences together are endless. If you are having trouble identifying how and where to connect, our Atlanta couples therapists can help.
Increase Physical Touch
Having more physical touch can increase feelings of connection and fulfillment. Ask your partner how they are experiencing touch in your marriage. Do they want more hugging? Holding hands? What do you need more of? Maybe you want to snuggle on the couch more while watching TV, or have longer kisses before leaving for work.
Think about the type of touch you need or want, and be intentional to discuss it with your partner.
If you’re feeling lonely in your marriage, you’re not alone. Most couples start counseling 6-7 years after the need for counseling began. Our Atlanta couples therapists are here to support you and help you achieve the fulfilling relationship you’re longing for. Reach out today.