You may be wondering if the frequent fighting in your relationship means your marriage is doomed. Or if that one couple is in true marital bliss because they never seem to argue with each other. Could frequent fights be a sign of trouble? Do happily married couples even fight?
As an experienced Couples Counselor in Atlanta, let me reassure you that fighting in a relationship does not always indicate the relationship is headed for a disaster. And just because people are happily married doesn’t mean they never fight. But, first, let me be clear, I am not talking about physically fighting or domestic violence; I am talking about general conflict and arguing between two people.
This may surprise you, be it’s not the actual conflict that creates a problem within a marriage. In fact, according to research, unhappy and happy couples actually tend to fight about the same things- children, money, in-laws, and intimacy.
You may be wondering, “well, if happily married couples fight about the same things as unhappy couples, what then determines why some couples are happy and some are not?”
What exactly is the difference?
The Secret for Happily Married Couples
it’s the way couples argue that makes the difference.
In fact, according to a recent study, happier couples tend to focus on solvable issues first and take a solution-focused approach when arguing. This means engaging in healthy conflict to express needs, setting boundaries, and simply choosing your battles wisely. When you choose to work together on the solvable issues first, this can build the trust and connection that might be needed later to address more difficult conversations.
So do happily married couples fight? Of course, they do. It seems they simply know the secret to the strategy for marital conflict.
the strategy for marital conflict.
- Address solvable issues first. This will build trust and confidence that you can tackle more serious conversations in the future.
- Choose your battles wisely. Can you differentiate between issues that need to be resolved and problems that can be set aside?
Consider a third party for more challenging marital topics, such as an Atlanta Couples Counselor. The type of mediation is shown to improve the outcome of a conflict.
If you want to change how you handle conflict in your marriage, you may want to consider the way in which you argue with your spouse. Continuing to argue over the same issues that never get resolved will not create confidence in the relationship. If you would like more support on how to navigate conflict in your relationship, contact an Atlanta Couples Therapist today.